So here I sit with fingers poised, wishing I could just start tapping away at the keys.
Only two hours ago I was walking along a mountain trail with my 8 month old bub on my back and a head full of fantastic ideas for my first ever blog. You know, groundbreaking stuff. I was surely going to win over an audience with these gems. Now I’m sitting in my inner city home with the opposing sounds of traffic and classic FM intermingled whilst Little sleeps and my gems have gone and left me. If I’m honest, and I want this to only be honest, I feel compelled to defend why I am contemplating taking up a blog at all. Why would I? What on earth have I got to say?
My world is full of words. When I walk, run, ride, board, lie in bed, sit on the toilet, whatever, my head is full of words. Untold sentences. Never to be heard conversations that I have ready to go next time I see so-and-so. It’s time I let them out.
My world is full of stories. From classic novels and poetry read to me as a child, to dad’s yarns of long gone days in shearing sheds or never to be gone days of fly fishing, to a love of literature and film in all its genres. A.A. Milne, Kipling, Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Banjo Paterson, Jeanette Winterson, Suzanne Collins, Larsson. They are all here. They and many others allowed me to escape and enter worlds that amazed me or challenged me. They led me to a double major and honors degree in English. They then led me to become an English teacher. Something I became more passionate about than I could have ever imagined at the start.
So here we are, back at why blog. I love writing. I love words. I want in on this blog caper so I can indulge my passion. Simple.
Well, nothings ever that simple. There are days that are so wonderful I want to share them with the world. The days you want to throw your arms open to the sky and with an up turned face shout out how lucky you really are. Like when I realised I had finally found my true soul mate, or when I sat above Everest base camp gazing at the face of the world’s tallest mountain. When I held my son; my broad shouldered, black haired, purple skinned boy and breathed him in. Oh my, what a day.
Then there are also those other days, the flip side. The days where life kicks you, and then kicks again for good measure. The days where being at home alone with my baby loses its shine. That one day in every hundred when terminal illness in the family makes me lose my breath and panic. The days when I want to be like a child and stamp my feet and scream at the world “it’s not fair”. I want to write about those days too. Acknowledge them and then hold on for the roller coaster to begin its upward swing again.
Then there’s this. I am growing into another version of me, and I don’t know this person yet, but I’m curious and want to explore her in my word driven way. The 35 year old new mum, with her new mum shape, new priorities, new and very different life, who sometimes wants to feel like the old her. There have been so many stages. The cuddly baby, typical teen, confident student. I have been the peroxide spike haired, black eyed girl with bondage pants living in a Bedford van in NZ. I have been the global backpacker for a year. I have been the dredlocked young women teaching in London. The bushwalker from Tassie, career driven teacher, wife and divorcee. Where to next? Like I said, I want to explore, in words.
When my partner asked me why and I explained all the above to him, minus the editing and in the tired been-with-the-baby-all-day vague and rambley way he succinctly said,“Oh, you want a creative outlet”. Well. Yes. But writing just that isn’t much of a first blog now is it. Is it?
So that’s why. That’s what I have to say, at least for now. If you’re a blogger why did you start?
Till next time my fingers are poised and tapping at the keys.
Partner, mum, passionate teacher, lover of the outdoors and all things snow. Tapping at keys and scrawling on paper. Having words my way.