Fingers Poised.

So here I sit with fingers poised, wishing I could just start tapping away at the keys.
Only two hours ago I was walking along a mountain trail with my 8 month old bub on my back and a head full of fantastic ideas for my first ever blog. You know, groundbreaking stuff. I was surely going to win over an audience with these gems. Now I’m sitting in my inner city home with the opposing sounds of traffic and classic FM intermingled whilst Little sleeps and my gems have gone and left me. If I’m honest, and I want this to only be honest, I feel compelled to defend why I am contemplating taking up a blog at all. Why would I? What on earth have I got to say?
My world is full of words. When I walk, run, ride, board, lie in bed, sit on the toilet, whatever, my head is full of words. Untold sentences. Never to be heard conversations that I have ready to go next time I see so-and-so. It’s time I let them out.
My world is full of stories. From classic novels and poetry read to me as a child, to dad’s yarns of long gone days in shearing sheds or never to be gone days of fly fishing, to a love of literature and film in all its genres. A.A. Milne, Kipling, Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Banjo Paterson, Jeanette Winterson, Suzanne Collins, Larsson. They are all here. They and many others allowed me to escape and enter worlds that amazed me or challenged me. They led me to a double major and honors degree in English. They then led me to become an English teacher. Something I became more passionate about than I could have ever imagined at the start.
So here we are, back at why blog. I love writing. I love words. I want in on this blog caper so I can indulge my passion. Simple.
Well, nothings ever that simple. There are days that are so wonderful I want to share them with the world. The days you want to throw your arms open to the sky and with an up turned face shout out how lucky you really are. Like when I realised I had finally found my true soul mate, or when I sat above Everest base camp gazing at the face of the world’s tallest mountain. When I held my son; my broad shouldered, black haired, purple skinned boy and breathed him in. Oh my, what a day.
Then there are also those other days, the flip side. The days where life kicks you, and then kicks again for good measure. The days where being at home alone with my baby loses its shine. That one day in every hundred when terminal illness in the family makes me lose my breath and panic. The days when I want to be like a child and stamp my feet and scream at the world “it’s not fair”. I want to write about those days too. Acknowledge them and then hold on for the roller coaster to begin its upward swing again.
Then there’s this. I am growing into another version of me, and I don’t know this person yet, but I’m curious and want to explore her in my word driven way. The 35 year old new mum, with her new mum shape, new priorities, new and very different life, who sometimes wants to feel like the old her. There have been so many stages. The cuddly baby, typical teen, confident student. I have been the peroxide spike haired, black eyed girl with bondage pants living in a Bedford van in NZ. I have been the global backpacker for a year. I have been the dredlocked young women teaching in London. The bushwalker from Tassie, career driven teacher, wife and divorcee. Where to next? Like I said, I want to explore, in words.
When my partner asked me why and I explained all the above to him, minus the editing and in the tired been-with-the-baby-all-day vague and rambley way he succinctly said,“Oh, you want a creative outlet”. Well. Yes. But writing just that isn’t much of a first blog now is it. Is it?
So that’s why. That’s what I have to say, at least for now. If you’re a blogger why did you start?
Till next time my fingers are poised and tapping at the keys.

Cuddly baby me.

Spikey, black eyed me.

Mum me.

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About Roxanne P-CH

Partner, mum, passionate teacher, lover of the outdoors and all things snow. Tapping at keys and scrawling on paper. Having words my way.
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16 Responses to Fingers Poised.

  1. Naomi says:

    Ah, the multi million dollar question of why blog!
    Don’t ask me! But here you are. Hooray!

  2. I still remember hitting ‘publish’ on my first blog post (which was nowhere near as inspiring as yours!) and feeling this sense of relief. Taking that step to put your writing out in the open is amazing. Looking forward to reading more!

  3. I was writing in Facebook notes on my business page and someone suggested I should write a blog. 17 months ago I looked up what a blog was and here I am. Enjoy the writing but most importantly enjoy the new friendships, the connections and don’t worry you have a fab sister looking out for you 🙂 and her friends here are totally awesome x

    • roxannepch says:

      Thanks Nathalie. I knew I wanted to do this but I am a little taken back by how excited I am. I can’t believe it’s only been 17 months for you, you have a fantastic blog and so many followers.

  4. Sarah says:

    Its great to hear your thoughts Rox…. and as one of my treasured friends i cant get sick of you talking.. im the same and have thought about writing a blog too.. Do you think its because we are only becoming more and more disconnected with each other that Blogs basically put us back in touch again.. its the full circle.. look forward to reading more..

    • roxannepch says:

      I don’t know to be honest. I don’t feel disconnected. I have such amazing family and friends. Why, just today I spent such a wonderful time with such a fantastic and very loved friend I thought I’d write a blog about her and friendship. *snigger snigger
      I just want to write!
      xxx

  5. Pam says:

    I hear you on the learning the new you post child birth bit. It’s a whole new daunting but wonderful but frustrating but rewarding ride. Looking forward to coming on your roller coaster with you x

  6. Hiya Rox, Lovely blog entry. I agree being a mum is beautiful, like somebody said to me Isaac is an extension of me and somebody else said you fall in love at first sight – I’m stealing words from other people because I have no words for the feeling I have for my first born son. He is everything, or more to me. My body looks like a tractor tire has rolled over me and left scars for life. My belly has become a spare part, but hey I have Isaac and I AM eternally grateful, thanks! My life was very different before Isaac arrived into my life but somehow it feels like a natural progression, a normal occurrence of events – well I’m happy, contented and feeling very grateful also to be part of his love. I’m looking forward to reading more of what you will share on your blog Bx

  7. Welcome to the blogosphere! I, like you, felt I needed an outlet. My inner creative was busy drowning in daily domestics, feeling alternately just about extinguished and fighting to the surface. It’s been under two years, I’m still a small, personal blogger- but the connections you make can be bigger than the blog. Good luck, I look forward to seeing more of you around 🙂

  8. Roxanne P-CH says:

    Thanks for the welcome, I think I’m going to like it here! Likewise look forward to more of your blogs.

  9. happylan says:

    Welcome Roxanne!! I look forward to reading more of what you have to say. 🙂

  10. Pingback: The 30 minute unpolished turd. | Words My Way

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